Mangoes Delirium
by SabArtFan
Summary: Here's a little delirium that got into me after I read the part of Jace's mangoes and it grew bigger each time I finished a book :D So here it is, the delirium which will makes you laugh I hope! It centers on Malec but you'll encounter almost all the characters from TID and TMI. I wrote that, at first, hoping to make a cartoon out of it, which is why it's written script style.


**Alec and Magnus, hanging out on the couch in Magnus's apartment.**

Alec: Magnus… you know how I love you, right?

Magnus:(tender grin) Does it count if I say I love you too?

Alec: Well I hope so!** (shy smile)**... Now, you know how I knew nothing about sex before I met you, right?

Magnus: (lustful grin, trailing hand on Alec's leg)Yes but we sure overcame that really quick, my blue-eyes boy. I can say we are now both satisfied with all we've learned, isn't it?

Alec:(nervous laugh, blush) Hum yes… although I was thinking that I might be ready now to try new stuffs… more wild… exotic.** (heavy blush)**

Magnus:(eyes sparkling with desire) Well, I sure love the sound of that, sweet pea... Why don't you come right over here, I'll show you how I like it.

A: And you know, we could make it like a gang bang...

M: WHH...AAAT…?!

**_thinking: _**_What kind of monster did I create? I'm way too good in bed, I have to stop that!_

A: Yes, a gang bang! And maybe Jace will let me touch his mangoes** (blush)**. I though you could understand that I want to explore the great universe you showed me!

M:(choking) Ahh... Sure! At this point, I'll just go and get bitten by Camille.

A:(furious red)WHAT!

M: Well... gang bang means more than one person so... there you go!** (smug)**

A:(drooling of rage) WELL I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR MANGOES ANYWAY SO THAT'S JUST FINE! I DON'T WANT THEM ANYMORE!

M:...

Alec walks away of the apartment.

M:(running away to Tessa) Tessa!** (snif) **Alec doesn't want to touch my mangoes anymore!** (bwahaha, heavy sobs)**

Tessa:(confused) Well Magnus darling...** (awkward tap on back) **You know how men are! I'm sure Alec will come back to your mangoes... Look at me and Will!

M:(snif) Well it's true Will was kind of a dick sometimes... Which probably was an amazing one, hein Tessa?** (devilish grin)**

T:(deep blush) MAGNUS!

M:(light blush)Hum… ok ok!** (cough) **But that doesn't get me back Alec's mangoes...** (sad face)**

T:(crooked smile) And what did you try to win back Alec's affection...or attention, whatever you call it?

M:(shocked) How dare you! I have as much feelings as you Miss Gray! It's not only mango talk here ok! Even though it sounds like it...** (sheepish) **But umm...** (clearing throat) **I tried to make him jealous** (desperate).**

T:(blank face)...

M: WHAT? WHAT! It always worked before! And I'm 800 years old, I shouldn't be so clueless about heart's matters right? Right?

T:(embarrassed) Um darling... You know, jealousy is not the best way of capturing your loved one attention...

M:(confused) Really?

T:(hand on her face, muttering)Where's Jem when I need him?

Jem peeks in, all smiles.

Jem: I'm here beautiful!** (sparkling eyes)**

M: Euh...** (even more confused) **Hi Jem! How come you're no more brother Zachariah and back to your gorgeous self? WAIT!** (all excited) **Are you nailing my pretty girl right here? OHHH... I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW!** (start singing)**

Tessa and Jem exchange an awkward, happy, shy look and of course... both blush!  
Magnus keeps singing and jumping around. Jem clears his throat.

J: Hum… What's this all about Magnus? Is something wrong with the Herondale boy?

Magnus froze and tense all over… turn around.

M:(real angry face) I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DAMN JACE AND HIS MANGOES ALL RIGHT?ALL RIGHT? HE CAN GO RIGHT TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE!

J:(blanch) MAGNUS! You know he's all that we have left of our beloved Will, how can you say that?

M: I can say that because this bloody troublemaker is trying to steal my boyfriend from me with his way-too-sexy mangoes!** (muttering) **Not that I checked really…

And stalk away, slamming door, sparkles flying around.

Low, on background:

T:Well Jem, my love, that wasn't your best comforting speech…

J:(blush) Hm… I guess I got a little carried away with my concern for Jace.** (devilish smile, eyes sparkling) **As for you, my sweet, would you like to get carried away?

T: (blush, giggles) Oh Jem…

Back to Magnus, walking down the street, muttering.

M: Damn selfless abnormalities! I should've known not to ask help from two peace-and-love-hippies-we-care-so-much-about-each- other weirdos! Nothing good from it! All on your own again, warlock!

''Pof'' Camille appears, ghost like.

Camille:(batting lashes) Well, I'm still here, sexy boy! And I don't need no stamina rune** (flash angry eyes) **to get your mangoes going all night** (wink).**

Magnus stare, mute.

''Pof'' Woosley appears too, ghost like.

Woosley: Me too! Me too!** (big grin) **You know what they say, lover, you show me yours, I'll show you mine! And I know you love my wolfy mangoes!** (giggles)**

C:(pinched, angry face) UGH!

M:(fuming) ENOUGH BOTH OF YOU! YOU'RE DEAD! I don't want any of your stamina rune and wolfy mangoes!** (cracks up crying) **I want Alec's mangoes!** (bwahaha, heavy sobs)**

Camille and Woosley exchange glances…

C: He was much more fun before he met this pitiful shadowhunter… and fell in love, UGH!** (disgusted face)**

W: Indeed, Camille, my dear… such a waste!** ''Pof'' Both disappears.**

Magnus compose himself and get back to his apartment. Izzy is waiting on the staircase, angry eyes and whip snapping.

Izzy: YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER AGAIN? He has locked himself in his room and doesn't wish to speak to anyone, whispering some nonsense about mangoes and you…

M:(outraged) ME? Why should I be the one responsible for Alec's welfare? He's been clear enough about which mangoes he wish to be close to!

I:(quizzical)Ok, maybe I'm a bad cook… DON'T ANSWER THAT!** (angry) **But I don't see what kind of competition mangoes can be for you… I mean, they're MANGOES!

M:(sparkling, tearful eyes)YOU'RE SO RIGHT IZZY! I'm so MUCH better than mangoes! ANY MANGOES! And… I SPARKLE!** (huge grin)**

I:(confused laugh) Sure! That's the spirit…! Now, would you two stop fighting for stupidities? I have other things to do than defend my brother's honor! I still haven't told Simon I love him…** (sighs, embarrassed)**

Simon walks by, whistling.

Simon:What about me?

Magnus looks away, embarrassed. Izzy, heavy blush, mute.

Clary, right behind Simon, rolls up her eyes, sighs.

Clary: God Simon! You're so obtuse sometimes!

Izzy stare down her shoes, dejected. Magnus laugh nervously. Simon scratches his head, confused.

M: Um… Not that I really mind, well yes I do but, can I know what you two are doing here?

**Simon and Clary exchange puzzled glances…**

C: Well, I don't know really… I suppose it's for the purpose of the story, you should ask the writer…** (pointing fingers to outside)**

S: Oh! I hope there's a good ending and some nice battles… gotta have some blood! Euh… not what I meant!** (sheepish)**

Jace comes by, all smug and proud.

Jace: AH! I knew you were talking about me! I know, I know, I can't get enough of myself either!** (brilliant smile) **So, Simon, want to bite some more of my stunning self?

Clary:(fuming) IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU JACE!

Simon:(crooked smile) Well, we haven't figure out what it is about, in fact… So, Izzy, you were saying?

Izzy:(look of a trapped rabbit) UM… I…

Jace: (disgusted) BY THE ANGEL! We're still there? It's obvious, YOU MORON! She lov…** (PUNCH!)**

Jace gets punched by Magnus.

Magnus stare, shocked and then winced, grabbing his hand. Jace knocked out to ground.

Simon:(fixed glare) BLOOD!

Clary:(sobs, running to Jace) Oh I'm sorry Jace! You're right, it's always about you!** (snif)**

Jace:(grumble) What just happened?

Izzy: Way to go Magnus! Didn't think you had it in you!** (giggles)**

Sebastian coming out of portal.

Seb:(mean laugh) Great job, warlock! Wanna come work for me? We'll rule the world!** (fanatic eyes)**

M:(indignant) I'm way too expensive for you half-breed! Go run along to your cheap labor!

Seb:(outraged) When I'll conquer you all, you'll be sorry you refused me!

All in chorus(except Jace): SHUT UP SEBASTIAN! GET LOST!

Sebastian, sulking, vanishes through portal.

Jace:(fumbling to straighten up, grunting) Why did I get punched?

Clary caress Jace's hair, sobbing.

Magnus:(cool stare) Because of your MANGOES! And if you keep letting others touch them, I swear I'll put you on fire! See if you like that!** (ferocious)**

Clary, Simon and Izzy blanch, unbelieving.

Jace:(sneer) Well, I'm always on fire baby! More than ever!** (laughing)**

Magnus, fuming, blue sparkles flashing from his hands.

Henry ''pof'' out of thin air, ghost like.

Henry: Oh! I have this wonderful invention! It's a fire decelerant, it will burn longer… Um** (confused)**… No! I mean…

Magnus:(delighted) Longer suffering, great!

Charlotte ''pof'' up also, interrupting.

Charlotte: Henry dear, don't encourage pyromaniacs!** (staring)**

Henry:(sheepish face) I'm sorry darling…

Both ''pof'' out and disappears.

Background, ghostlike Jessamine voice, echoing.

Jessamine: UGH! Shadowhunters! I hate them!

Simon: Is it me or it's getting really too crowded here, right Izzy?** (fail attempt at blinking)**

Izzy giggles, blush. Jace, hand on nose, glare angrily at Magnus.

Jace: So you punched me, hein? Pussy little warlock like you, I'm surprised! Bet you hurt yourself bad, didn't you?** (snickering)**

Clary tries to sush him. Izzy and Simon trying to find a way out.

Magnus:(cold and blank face) Don't flatter yourself, you scumbag! You're just a little spoiled rotten bast…

Jem and Tessa, comes running, disheveled and glowing, cutting Magnus short.

Magnus:(throwing hands in the air) WHAT AGAIN! This starts to feel like a Mardi Gras in Rio!

Jem: Now, now, boys… Let's calm down.

Tessa:(staring at blood on Magnus hand) By the angel Magnus! Why didn't you use your magic, you wouldn't have been hurt!

Jem:(looking oddly at Tessa) But… They shouldn't fight in the first place!

Magnus:(shooting angry look at Jem)It's alright Tessa, honey, I barely feel it now.** (Jace snort, turning Magnus attention to him) **All of this because of JACE AND HIS DAMN MANGOES!

Jace:(quizzical) What mangoes?

Simon chuckles in back. Izzy is confused. Clary, dreamlike face thinks:**_hum Jace mangoes._**** Jem and Tessa, holds hands, looking like parents dealing with tumultuous teenagers.**

Magnus's about to answer when Alec comes by, shoulders slumped until he sees Magnus hand. Scared, he comes running. Magnus, stunned, when Alec grabs his hand.

Alec: Magnus, my love, are you hurt? I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have said that, I just wanted to get you jealous, as I so often am…** (dejected face, staring floor)**

Magnus:(beaming and glowing, lifting Alec face with a finger under his chin) Well, it's nothing a kiss can't fix! As for jealousy… I'm jealous of anyone who captures your attention, my love, I just have hundreds of years of practice to hide it.

Jem and Tessa exchanges tender, shy looks. Izzy and Simon hides in the back, Simon nuzzling Izzy's neck who giggles. Clary, still daydreaming, drooling on Jace's mangoes.

Jace:(outrageous) WHAT ABOUT ME? HE PUNCHED ME!

Alec: Shut up Jace! You surely deserve it! Maybe you have nice mangoes but you're an a-hole!

Magnus:(sparkling with love) Oh Alec…! I LOVE YOU! Do you still want my mangoes?

**Alec:(deep blush) **All of them, sweet pea!

And he ferociously kisses Magnus, oblivious to all.

Jace:(sulking) What's the big deal with mangoes?

Clary:(hungry eyes) I'll show you later!

Jem & Tessa: Ah youngsters!

Jem :(mischevious) Why don't we go back to our own mangoes, my love?

Tessa:(wicked grin) Anytime my Jem…

Clary presses cloth to Jace's face tenderly, drawing his attention to her. Magnus and Alec still kissing, creating embarrassing noises.

Simon: Well, I guess I won't know what all this was about but Izzy, you wanna play some biting games?** (another failed blink)**

Izzy:(blush) Oh yeah! But I want to touch your mangoes too!

Simon:(deep blush, choking) Urrmm… Sure!

Clary: Biting games?

Jace:(devilish grin) I'll show you later…

Magnus:(emerging with a smooch, looks around) Well, it seems like you got your gang bang, after all!

Alec:(blush) Yes… but there's only one person I want to bang… and that's you!

Magnus:(choking, speechless for a second) Ahh… Anytime! NOW!

He snaps his fingers, both disappears while Alec's laugh trails like tinkling bells.

ALL LOOKS CONFUSED AND FINALLY GO THEIR OWN WAY

A few moments later, a faint glow appears on Magnus's steps, blue eyes and curly black hair…

Will:(murmuring) Always the same having fun! That's so unfair!** (bright smile denying talk)**

Will: Well, I'm glad you're finally at peace, old friend… savior. And it seems like my Jem got his jewel back…** (delighted laugh)**

Will bend his head to the side, a smile still floating on his lips, listening…

He finally nods to himself, satisfied. He starts to fade out, slight wings shaping behind his back, the angel's mark on his shoulder, shining like fireworks. Smiling, he whispers these last few words…

Will: Take care of them, Jessamine…

Although he didn't get an answer, the words hung in the air, as if beholded by some kindred spirit, promising as she did before…

THE END


End file.
